4 years ago- the dramatic weight loss
3 years ago- Dengue fever
2 years ago- a major abdominal surgery, an ovarian cyst, the loss of one ovary
and I was only 26.
That was me a little over 4 years ago. I was nothing close to what people expect. I was frail, sick, close to being miserable both physically and mentally. How I got to this point? I could barely fathom now, but it is defintely a conglomeration of my plans blowing up in my face, my aspirations in question, my self lost, my relationships in peril and high degree of self pity that created it’s own deep tavern from which I felt I was crawling from.
Well, that’s a long story cut short, but things took a turn for the best when I started working out and when I began yoga.
“There is a whole universe in here that we often neglect.”
One of the many reflections I hear from my yoga classes, it is ironical how we lose a bit of ourselves in this struggle we call life and yes I was lost, for a long time I was lost.
During the darkest moments of my life I felt lifeless walking amongst the living. The only emotion I knew was sadness, the only activities I did was to sleep, wake up, work, eat and repeat. My body felt like a shell, I existed but I felt empty, I’m alive yet I felt lifeless. It pained me every time I go to bed and reflect on how my day went, I was just surviving, existing but not living.
Things gradually took a turn when I started doing yoga, gradually it has helped me discover a little something about myself, moreover it has helped me realize how much I neglected myself, my body, this universe within me that is screaming for care and attention. I never thought that simple breathing exercises would restore sensations that I have so much neglected. The feeling of the air rushing through my nose filling in my lungs, nourishing my body and calming my mind. Somehow I started to feel alive. It restored my senses that went numb because of pain and distress. And this is the first of the many changes yoga has brought to me, the breath of life.
I was breathing again, not because my body needs to but because I am alive, I was able to feel the rush of cold air entering my lungs, and becoming warm once it came out. I felt my lungs filled and emptied with every breath. I know this may sound funny, but I was distressed for so long I felt I wasn’t breathing properly (or like I wasn’t breathing at all). You have probably experienced it too, remember that first heartbreak? That feeling when you can’t almost breathe? and how it felt good just to sigh and give out a deep breath.
This simple practice had such a profound impact on me that for the first time I started to feel there was hope. I am alive, I feel alive and somehow, I can fight, I can crawl out of this darkness I am in and that I can find myself again. This is one of the profound lessons I learned in yoga, to listen to myself, this whole system, this universe that needed my attention.
To this day I carry this lesson that I learned, whenever I feel distressed, sad, depressed, annoyed or etc. I take a moment to breathe and feel the rush of air through my lungs and how it affects my body (mostly positive, no worries). It takes me back to that moment when I felt alive once again. After a few rounds, I feel much better and equipped to face everyday struggles of life.
Like what I said, this is only one of the many changes yoga has brought in my life;I hope it would help with yours too, that we need to listen to ourselves, listen to our body because there is a whole universe in here that needs our attention, and once we pay attention we would feel better equipped to face our struggles.
More of this on the second part of my article 🙂